Some Love Is Meant To Be Lost
by ImissTrishStratus
Summary: Things just haven't been the same in the ever loveable ODB's life lately. And she blames Traci Brooks for all of it. Warning for femslash and depressing nature. If you don't like it don't read it!


AN: This might be the second most random peice of literature I've ever written, next to the Trish/Katie Lea fic, which you should really read if you havent lol. I came up with this entire story completely on my own, hence it's dark, depressing nature. ODB and Traci do seem to have awkward vibes onscreen and this is my take on why. I don't own them, but that's a given. Enjoy, read, and review!

Jessica Kresa glared down at the shiney, brass object in her hand. She threw the flask down on her bed in annoyance. She was out of liquid courage, so she quickly gathered together some stray bills laying around her appartment and headed down the street to her favorite local establishment, Jackhammers, where she was a regular bar patron.

"Crown Royal and coke." She ordered quickly before even taking a seat.

It was kind of funny, ODB always drank Vodka. It was considered by most a 'happy' drink. But Jessica always needed something stronger then that. But the sad reality of the situation was that no matter what or how much either of them drank she wasn't accomplishing what she wanted to. She wasn't forgetting what, or rather who she was supposed to forget.

Ever since she had left her, everything seemed to be losing it's appeal. It was starting to scare her so much, because even wrestling was becoming stale and painful. She wasn't a title contender, nor would she be for some time so she found herself looking forward to work less and less as the weeks and the drinks went by. Each day passed in a depressing kind of haze. She didn't feel, didn't think, and didn't love anymore. She hated it all, her friends, her appartment, her fans and her life.

She had every reason to feel the way she did. Her friends noticed absolutely nothing different about her after the breakup. She honestly thought somebody would realize how miserable she really was, but when they didn't, she completely stopped giving a shit. Her appartment was for lack of a better term, a crapbox, and without any chance for championship gold coming her way it didn't seem like she'd be leaving it anytime soon. The only upside was the bar down the street in downtown Minneapolis. She just hoped and prayed that a fan wouldn't recognize her here, drowning her sorrows away and be selfish enough to ask her for an autograph and try to start up an actual conversation with her, like she gave a shit about them and their life. If her fans only knew the real reason she owned a flask, she didn't think she'd have fans at all, and maybe that's what she truely deserved. It used to be just a gimmick, and how she wished it still was, but that would be unbelievably hard to go back to.

She could remember the exact day, almost down to the exact time when her downward spiral began, it was just under a month ago. Two years was along time to be in a relationship with somebody, especially someone like Traci, who just seemed to bounce from wrestler to wrestler every few months. But they stayed together, committed, the whole nine yards. Until one day Traci decided that the relationship wasn't working for her anymore, and that she wasn't as in love as she thought she was, so she decided to end things. She almost would have prefered it if she had found someone else, if Traci had cheated on her atleast that way there would be closure.

"Two of what she's having." Jessica heard from behind her, in the all to familiar voice.

"What are you doing here?" She asked Traci coldly as they were handed their drinks. Traci took the stool next to her, while Jessica turned her back to her and began to pour the drink down her throat.

"I was called last minute to do an indy show here, because _somebody_ no-showed them." She said with all honesty.

Jessica didn't even need to look down at the calender in her cell phone to know that she had skipped out on the show, she had done it on purpose, it wasn't worth her time. She'd much rather spend the night here in this bar, where she belonged. But if she had known that _she_ would show up, she would have much rather been wrestling whatever nobody was lined up against her tonight.

"I don't give a fuck why your in Minnesota, why are you _here_!" She slammed her fist against the countertop of the bar with anger.

"Because I knew you'd be here, and I came to tell you to stop ruining your life." Traci said, coiling away slightly, but still concerned for her former girlfriend.

"You ruined my life." Jessica replied full of bitter annimosity. There was a time when seeing her flinch like that and knowing that she was the cause of it would have made her heart bleed, but those days were long over.

"I can't ruin your life, I'm just one person. There's plenty of us out there." Traci tried to reason.

"Get out."

"No, I won't. Not when your like this, I knew you wouldn't handle it well but the person your slowly transforming into is really starting to scare me, because it's not you Jess." She sighed. "Two more Crown and Cokes, double shots please."

"Nice of you to care now."

"I've always cared."

"Then why the fuck'd you leave?" Jessica slurred slightly, closing her eyes and telling the tiny prickles hitting her eyes to just go away.

"I can't give you what you need. I realized that I was the love of your life, and you had all these big plans for us. But you weren't the love of my life. Sure I loved you, but just not enough. Not the way that you needed it, not the way that you loved me.. So I left before anymore damage could be done, it doesn't mean that I didn't care, because I did. And I still do. Infact I know you might not understand this, but I left because I care."

Jessica downed her drink in record time. "You know what? If your not going to leave then I will. I don't have time to listen to this fucking shit." And with that she placed some bills on the counter covering her own drinks, got up and left Traci sitting at the bar all by herself, left to ponder what had just happened.

The cool air breeze hit her skin softly, but she barely felt it with how intoxicated she already was. She knew on the inside that she had to stay mad no matter what, she couldn't forgive Traci and just be friends. Anger was her only form of closure to the relationship and if hating her was what would get her through work, and get her through life, then so be it. Because she had already proven it impossible to live life loving her if she couldn't have her.


End file.
